Is the Finnish Prime Ministress finished?
’T looked like a lame-ass party but there was drinking and there was blow so she said she would take a drug test and... (A 5-minute read.)
I LIVE FROM WHAT OTHERS
DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME.
The Finnish Prime Ministress anchovy named Sanna seems to be a gift that keeps on episiodically giving as apparently she was partying then she was kissed by not her husband and then she had lesbians exposing their mammae in anchovy’s official residence toilet.
Let’s quickly pause for a small disclaimer and state that since no ‘anchovy’ exists in the government of Finland and what’s more the word ‘Ministress’ is completely made up nothing could really happen to any anchovy and or Ministress therefore all persons and events described here are fictional and the Present Writer who is me (pronouns he/him) writes about things that never happened and persons that don’t exist and hearing all that hopefully puts the Present Reader who you are at ease while having to perform reading gymnastics on a text that contains no commas and nine periods.
Anyways the Prime Ministress anchovy was filmed going wild with some yuppies in what looked to the Present Writer like a lame-ass party but there were booze and blow involved and the next day anchovy said that yes she was doing liquor but not much and only liquor because she is at all times ready to fulfill her duties as Prime Ministress and as she publicly apologized and publicly wept for something that she said wasn’t wrong she also said she would take a drug test and release the results to the public and then she had the test done and they said it was clean but the results where not released and anyway some people said that it was no good because for blow you gotta test right away not after three days and other people said that it was fine to party because anchovy is human like any other man in the street only more so because anchovy is a woman but the others retorted that if they were upset with anchovy it was because she is the Prime Ministress and therefore her behavior isn’t appropriate for a political figure not only in partying but also in the seen-as-a-weakness public weeping.
Before the Present Reader continues to read further may the Present Writer digress in order to make his intentions clear and assure the Present Reader that the Present Writer’s writing at hand is meant for him to be a way of the sharpening of wit (that is, a playful judgment) where controversy might turn out to be to his advantage in order for him to correct his thoughts and awaken new views and going further should the Present Writer find himself failing in the sharpening of wit he might be led into dishonest tricks and in cauda veneum conclude by being rude but that is precisely what he will in Deo speramus strive to avoid as he will try not to say to himself that he can write whatever he pleases for if everyone is at liberty to be a fool—desipere est jus gentium—as some of defenders are fond of saying in anchovy’s defence then so is the Present Writer at the same liberty by the same token.2
So after the party video leaked many feeble-minded city-dwelling European women decided there was nothing wrong with anchovy’s behavior but everything wrong with the accusations of incompetence and impropriety directed at anchovy and the women decided to stand united with her by posting clips of themselves all hash-tagged #SOLIDARITYWITHSANNA but they weren’t standing only dancing which in the Present Writer's view didn’t really help anchovy because those dances were cringe but anyways what happened next was that anchovy was also secretly filmed being kissed on the neck as she danced with a male Finnish pulp culture star and some sources said that he is married and she is divorced and other sources said that she is married and he divorced but as soon as that video had been leaked anchovy said there’s nothing wrong with relaxing.
Next it’s been reported that anchovy keeps an official residence in Hellsinkee at the tax payers’ expense and in that residence she threw up another party where apparently according to the photo posted in all its digital cheerfulness two influencer-kind of lesbian women who lifted their blouses were snogging one another and exposing their balconies but one of the women covered her mammary glands with a banner which had FINLAND written on it and then citizens saw the photo and anchovy reportedly commented that while it is inappropriate for this sort of a photo to be shown nothing special was taking place at her house party and reportedly some people by now started saying louder than bombs that anchovy shouldn’t party so much as there is a war next door and others were voicing their upset that anchovy distracts herself from dealing with the energy crisis and rising interest rates and galloping inflation and break down in services for the elderly and problems with national health care and what’s more they’re upset that anchovy is bringing ‘Suomen tasavalta’ into NATO but some other people said that what upset them the most wasn’t the topless lesbian kiss in the toilets of the Prime Ministress’ official residence but that covering the breasts with FINLAND was the obscene part anyways the Present Writer doesn’t believe they’re right because he thinks they’re just some nationalist ignorant uptight far-right misogynist engaged in hate speech and defying rule-based order.
In any case the Present Writer’s been told by a philosopher that politics is strategic action and for this reason it inhabits a realm of secrecy and that transparency cripples politics therefore it follows that the end of secrecy would be the end of politics but nobody cares and somehow in the end neither does the Present Writer care because how can politics end more than once as he thinks that politics ended long before the transparency society began namely on September 11th of 2001 if not earlier in 1945 at the time of Hiroshima and Nagasaki if not earlier at the time of Nazi German camps if not earlier in Verdun if not earlier at the time of the French Revolution if not earlier oh let’s forget it for now.
Presently coming to conclusions the Present Writer would like to propose that since “politicians” of today no longer want to be measured by their actions but instead through compulsive staging they strive to distract and direct the attention of phono sapiens to be concerned with the politician-as-a-person and their signals of virtue and their intimate details and their private matters and if politicians who psychologize and personalize everything are willing to present their persons through staging to be exhibited on platforms such as facebooks and twitters in order to promote their i.e. the politicians’ compassionate agendas while scoring imaginary election points then the same politicians must be prepared for that very tyranny of intimacy to spectacularly backfire as it seems to be a hell of a double-edged sword and lastly the Present Writer is fed up with accusations of misogyny directed at people who criticize their government officials in those nations like Finland where not only the Prime Ministress is female but a majority if not all of the ruling coalition party leaders are female too but nevertheless the Present Writer hopes that anchovy continues to be the majority-chosen Prime Ministress and continues to fight for and exercise her right to party because we all live in a world where for the past two-and-a-half years you gotta fight for your right to party but the Present Writer’s even bigger hope is that European emotional housewives will stand united with anchovy Sanna again and post topless photos of themselves all over the anti-social media as the Present Writer cheers for all tender-hearted female public figures especially those in our benevolent governments and please don’t send the Present Writer to a re-education camp where he’d be forced to watch women’s football—unless the players are showing at least a nip slip and maybe on Sundays there’d be a catfight.3
Thanks for reading “The Flying Fish”. As always, I kiss you on the mouth. In lumine tuo videbimus lumen.
26 August AD 2022
Peter Handke, Am Felsfenster morgens (Salzburg: Residenz, 1998), p.336, as quoted in Byung-Chul Han, The Transparency Society, (2015), Stanford University Press, epigraph.
This paragraph contains several paraphrases by me, the Present Writer, from Arthur Schopenhauer, The Art of Controversy And Other Posthumous Papers, (London: Allen & Unwin Ltd., 1896), edited and translated by T. Bailey Saunders, XXXVIII, p.45-48. By the way, when, as quoted by Meister Arthur in the same volume, Voltaire said: La paix vaut encore mieux que la vérité (which as I checked means peace is even better than truth), well, Voltaire was wrong.